there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
