you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
