turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize