I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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