from now on my penis is your penis
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize