please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
