Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
