oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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