Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
