So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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