My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
