I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think I won the penis lottery.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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