look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
