what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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