Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
