rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
