She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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