Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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