I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
