ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
