how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
