found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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