walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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