we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
