It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
