my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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