I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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