I accidentally had phone sex last night
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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