Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
