She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
