have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
