I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
