Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
