worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
