Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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