Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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