i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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