return my video game
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
