How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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