I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize