: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
