You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
