No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
NoShamevember. You game?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
