You're so nebulous sometimes
My hand turned me down
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
