I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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