your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
