You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
