The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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