I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Randomize
