I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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