btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
