Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
