Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
