He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
