If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
