I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
