We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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