I accidentally burped into my bong.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
