that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
