You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
