college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
