In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
