I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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