so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You're a waste of cheezeits
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Randomize
